Explanation
In the main group, you present a series of statements to young people and ask them to indicate whether, in their opinion, the statement is true or false (e.g.: who thinks it is true? Raise your hand. Who thinks it's false? Raise your hand. Who abstains? Raise your hand). You can also provide clarification after each statement (Key messages). To end the activity, you can ask them what they have learned from the exercise.
Educational objectives
- To challenge young people about their understanding and interpretation of the codes of seduction in adolescence.
- Develop a critical mind among youth about seduction-related messages in the media and social media.
- Become aware of the different desirable characteristics, other than physical, when you want to seduce during adolescence.
Progress
Before the activity
- Read all the statements.
- Select appropriate statements according to your youth's age group.
- Review the answers and Key messages for each statement.
- Provide rules of conduct that the youth will have to respect (e.g., speaking out, respect for others, respect for oneself, etc.)
During the activity
- Present the first statement.
- Ask the youth to raise their hand if they believe the answer is "True".
- Ask the youth to raise their hand if they believe the answer is "False".
- Ask the youth to raise their hand if they prefer to abstain.
- Ask the youth who wishes to intervene and explain their thoughts on the statement.
- Click on the answer that gets a majority of answers.
- Read the answer and Key message corresponding to the statement.
- Involve the youth in connection with the answer as needed.
- Repeat for each statement.
Equipment
- A computer (in a small group).
- A computer + backdrop + projector (in a large group).
or
- Printed statements and Key messages.
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Question 1
For someone to be interested in you, you have to have a perfect body!
Question 1
Answer: False
Wanting to look good is normal, but you do not have to change your appearance to get someone interested in you. In any case, each body is different and it is this diversity that makes the beauty of everyone. Although it is not a given for everyone to be comfortable in their own body, especially in adolescence, you are much more likely to be appreciated by being yourself. It is true that some people meet the current criteria of beauty, but this is not enough to interest others. Go on, do not waste your time comparing yourself, self-evaluating and judging yourself too severely. Dare to be yourself and enjoy the good times in the company of those around you and who you like. Do not forget that when someone feels good about themselves, we notice it. Simplicity, please.
Duquet, F., Gagnon, G. et Faucher, M. (2010). Oser être soi-même : outils didactiques en éducation sexuelle pour contrer l’hypersexualisation et la sexualisation précoce auprès des jeunes, Services aux collectivités de l’UQAM, Forum Jeunesse Montréal, 430p.
Question 2
It is much easier to meet someone on social networks than in our environment (e.g.: school).
Question 2
Answer: True and false
On the one hand, social networks allow shy people or those with a smaller circle of friends to connect with other people. On the other hand, it is difficult to really know someone you meet online. They could attribute personality traits or qualities to themselves that they do not possess in real life. In addition, online dating can be risky if, for example, you share confidences or reveal your privacy to someone with bad intentions.Nowadays, social networks and texting would be more popular than face-to-face meetings. Yet it is during real meetings that you learn to make friends, communicate and better understand the other's reactions. In terms of seduction, it is also in "real life" that we see if it clicks. Relationships in real life, please.
Korchmaros, J.D., Ybarra, M.L. and Mitchell, K.J. (2015). Adolescent online romantic relationship initiation: Differences by sexuality and gender identification. Journal of adolescence, 40, 54-64.
Lenhart, A., Ling, R., Campbell, S. and Purcell K. (2010). Teens and mobile phones. Pew Internet & American life project. Found from http://www.pewinternet.org/~/media//Files/Reports/2010/PIP-Teens-and-Mobile-2010-with-topline.pdf
Valkenburg, P.M. and Peter, J. (2011). Online communication among adolescents: an integrated model of its attraction, opportunities, and risks. Journal of Adolescent Health, 48(2) (2011), 121-127.
Question 3
It's easy to tell the difference between a flirt and a harassing situation.
Question 3
Answer: False
The line can be very thin sometimes. Flirting is the action of seducing, charming or courting someone for whom one has feelings. Through seduction, one can get to know oneself, and gradually develop a complicity and intimacy. Flirting can occur simply with a compliment or a smile. However, it becomes harassment when the actions or words are repeated, they are not desired by the person who experiences them and they cause discomfort. It may be, for example, inappropriate gestures, degrading remarks or provocative attitudes. In short, when you flirt with someone, make sure it is not one way. Complicity, please.
Sexual harassment in the workplace. (2018). In Éducaloi. Flagged on February 7, 2018, in https://www.educaloi.qc.ca/en/capsules/sexual-harassment-workplace
Question 4
It's not embarrassing to make the first move when we are really interested in the person.
Question 4
Answer: False
It can be embarrassing, for a variety of reasons, to confess to someone that you have feelings for them. One may, for example, be afraid that the other person is not interested, especially if, on our side, one experiences very strong feelings. One may also be afraid of being disappointed, rejected or humiliated. However, the other person cannot guess what you are thinking or feeling. Therefore, by breaking the ice in your own way, you can let them know. The secret is often not to rush things and remain oneself. That said, it is possible that you are interested in someone, but that person does not feel the same for you, even if you are friendly and genuine. It's part of life. Honesty, please.
Duquet, F., Gagnon, G. et Faucher, M. (2010). Oser être soi-même : outils didactiques en éducation sexuelle pour contrer l’hypersexualisation et la sexualisation précoce auprès des jeunes, Services aux collectivités de l’UQAM, Forum Jeunesse Montréal, 430p.
Question 5
Boys or girls who are popular at school are more likely to have a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend".
Question 5
Answer: True and false
It often seems that everything is easier for boys or girls who are popular at school, but it all depends on why they are popular. Is it because they are friendly, athletic, funny, talented, respectful, because they do well in school, etc.? Is it due to their appearance? Is it because they are rather aggressive or that others fear them? There will always be boys and girls who will want to hang out with the most popular ones in the school and thus enjoy some of their popularity. Is this a good reason? That said, not everybody is looking for someone popular. When you are in love, there are many other things that come into play. Each boy and girl has their own charm, no matter how big their circle of friends, their feats, or their number of "Likes"... Authenticity, please.
Question 6
In reality shows, women and men who are very sexy are always more likely to please.
Question 6
Answer: True and false
We must not forget that these men and women, who decide to participate in this type of program, were chosen very often on the basis of their looks or their strong character. These characters are often popular and inevitably, we notice them more. They are rarely the first to be eliminated in this game. The main difference between these reality TV shows and the "real life" is that they play to seduce with the help of a whole technical team and a wide range of candidates - with the intention of winning a prize. The risk is to end up believing that you have to look like them and act like them to be seductive or to be successful. The "teenage" reality is quite different where the "seduction game" includes times when one is sometimes clumsy, funny, worried, anxious, funny again, wordless or very talkative, uncomfortable or full of assurance, at our best or not. Long live the real life! A little more natural, please..
Question 7
One person can please another person because of their naturalness and qualities
(eg. humor, kindness, etc.).
Question 7
Answer: True
It is not only appearance that can seduce a person. Appearance allows you to see if the person is interested in you physically. On the other hand, it is their personality, qualities, and interests that make it possible to decide if you really like this person, to find common ground and to bond with them. To seduce is above all to be curious, attentive, kind, funny, pleasant, attentive, charming, intelligent, discreet, and so on. Nobody has all these qualities at once, but everyone has a "little something" unique that sets them apart from others and makes them "remarkable". Originality, please.
Ciceri, R. (2002). "Seductive communication: paradoxical exhibition, obliquity and nonverbal synchronization", in Luigi Anolli, Rita Ciceri and Giuseppe Riva (under the dir. of.), Say Not to Say: New Perspectives on Miscommunication, chap. 4, Amsterdam (Netherlands), IOS Press, p. 101-116.
Duquet, F., Gagnon, G. et Faucher, M. (2010). Oser être soi-même : outils didactiques en éducation sexuelle pour contrer l’hypersexualisation et la sexualisation précoce auprès des jeunes, Services aux collectivités de l’UQAM, Forum Jeunesse Montréal, 430p.
Question 8
When someone compliments us, it essentially means that they are "turned on" by us.
Question 8
Answer: False
Saying a compliment to someone can simply be a show of kindness and attention to someone you appreciate. No need to be in love with each other to recognize the other's qualities. Conversely, it is not because someone gives you a compliment that he or she wants to go out with you. Certainly, we appreciate people who are respectful and honest. On the contrary, we do not look for someone who judges us, despises or insults us. To be complimented may suggest the beginning of special relationship, but be careful not to conclude too quickly that it is flirting. Sensitivity and discernment, please.
Duquet, F., Gagnon, G. et Faucher, M. (2010). Oser être soi-même : outils didactiques en éducation sexuelle pour contrer l’hypersexualisation et la sexualisation précoce auprès des jeunes, Services aux collectivités de l’UQAM, Forum Jeunesse Montréal, 430p.
Question 9
Sometimes you want to go out with someone to no longer be "single" or to do like others.
Question 9
Answer: True
It is true that some people are so afraid of being "single", they link together relationships for fear of being alone. One may wonder if they are with someone for the right reasons. It is not mandatory to have a "boyfriend" or a "girlfriend" nor is it a flaw being single - neither in adolescence nor in adulthood. What's the use of jostling for being with someone just to save appearances? Being in love is a very beautiful and very strong feeling and it happens to everyone one day or another. Nevertheless, one should not use the other to fill one's fear of being alone or simply to do like everyone else. Respect yourself and others, please.
Question 10
Talking about someone by making comments of a sexual nature is a seduction technique that works.
Question 10
Answer: False
A remark or comment of a sexual nature can be a clumsy but hurtful way to show that a person pleases us. This can clearly cause the opposite effect where that person does not want to know anything about the other. Not to mention the negative repercussions on the self-perception and self-confidence of the person to whom it is addressed. The evidence of seduction should rather be based on respect for each other. Several examples can be respectful options of seduction: help the other with school work, offer to listen to their musical choices, to have a sense of humor, discuss various topics that interest the other person, invite them to the cinema, say a compliment, etc. Respect and courtesy, please.
Bourgeois, J. (2011). Flirting with seduction: the challenge of educating youth about seduction. The SexEducator, 18, 1-15.
Duquet, F., Gagnon, G. et Faucher, M. (2010). Oser être soi-même : outils didactiques en éducation sexuelle pour contrer l’hypersexualisation et la sexualisation précoce auprès des jeunes, Services aux collectivités de l’UQAM, Forum Jeunesse Montréal, 430p.
Question 11
When someone tells us that they are interested in us, but that it is not reciprocated on our end, it is difficult to know what to answer so as not to hurt him or her.
Question 11
Answer: True
It can be tricky to confess to someone who we are not interested or attracted to, at the risk of hurting them. Nevertheless, it is better to be frank and honest than to imply to someone that we share their feelings, because, in addition to hurting them, the person may feel ridiculed or betrayed. Although there is no magic formula to tell someone that the interest is not mutual, it is best to take courage and say things clearly, but without being abrupt or brutal. Authenticity and sensitivity, please.
What do you remember from this exercise?
Seduction, when it carries us:
- Finally, what must be remembered is that seduction is entirely acceptable when it allows you to know yourself gradually, by remaining yourself and developing a bond of trust, within a relationship that can become more and more intimate.
- In making advances to someone, with a compliment, a smile or a small gesture, one can check if the other person is interested and, at best, receive attention in return. The other person might refuse our advances as well, which is part of life. And while it may be embarrassing to show interest in someone, do not be discouraged.
- Some choose to turn to social networks to get in touch with people they like. Pay attention, nothing replaces face-to-face contact to really know a person. It avoids unpleasant surprises!
Seduction, when it derails:
- We must distinguish between a situation of flirting and a situation of harassment. Thus, when a person shows interest repeatedly and insistently, by gestures, comments or looks, despite the fact that the other person has informed him that he or she was not interested, it is no longer a question of seduction, but of harassment.
- When a person uses seduction by multiplying conquests to appear "cool" or manipulating someone to get what they want (e.g., sleeping with each other), it is quite questionable. One cannot use the other for one's own pleasure.
- Finally, it is wrong to believe that, to get someone's attention, we must at all costs act very sexy or share a sext, for example.