Explanation

Several scenarios are presented in this section. Each scenario is followed by Stimulus questions and Key messages. In order to create discussion in the main group, you will find a final section with Closing questions on the topic and Key messages to use as a plenary with the group to complete the activity.

Educational objectives

Reflect on various issues that affect intimacy (e.g.: emotional demonstrations, sexual insults, first sexual relations, consent, prevention of STBBIs, etc.) including online intimacy (e.g.: cyber-pornography, sexting, sextortion, etc.).
Reflect on issues related to the exposure of one's personal or private life and respect for one's modesty, intimacy and that of others.
Promote authenticity, integrity, respect, and communication when sharing intimacy with someone.
Recognize the advantages and disadvantages of sharing their privacy, including sexuality, via social networks.
Discuss the reasons why kids their age share their sexual intimacy via sexting and the possible impacts (psychological, social, legal, etc.) of this sharing.
Demystify and exercise critical judgment about the messages conveyed by pornography and its impact on sexual intimacy.

Progress

Before the activity

Read the scenarios and select them appropriately according to the attributes of your group of young people.
Review the questions and Key messages.
Provide the necessary material for carrying out the activity.
Print the scenarios, Stimulus questions, Key messages and the plenary section.
Plan rules of conduct that the young people will have to respect (e.g.: speaking out, respect for others, self-respect, etc.)

During the activity

You must divide the participants into teams (create the number of teams equivalent to the number of selected scenarios).
You distribute a different scenario to each team.
In a team, they read the scenario presented and the questions. They discuss it. You can leave them 10 to 15 minutes for discussion.
In the main group, each team presents the scenario, the questions and explains their answers.
For each scenario and questions, the speaker has some response tracks. You can refer to them.
When all the teams have presented their scenario, you ask the Closing questions in the main group and lead a discussion.
You finish the workshop with the final Key message.

Equipment

Printed scenarios + the questions associated with each scenario
Printed questions and answers for each scenario
Printed Closing questions and Key messages for the plenary

Your best friend Sofianne has a new "boyfriend" for a month. They are very much in love with each other. Every time they see each other, they keep kissing each other, cuddling. Sometimes it's embarrassing and you'd want to tell them to "be less demonstrative". Since she is your best friend and she is very in love, you prefer not to say anything.

Last time, at Julien's party, they spent the evening "frenching" and fondling on the couch and everyone was uncomfortable. Even Julien seemed bothered. Someone said, jokingly, that Sofianne must love sex. You looked at him with a shocked look - because you don't want him to talk that way about your best friend. But again, you didn't say anything, hoping that your glare would be enough for him to understand that his comments were out of place.

Stimulus Questions

What do you think of this situation?

What creates discomfort and for what reasons?

To kiss someone we like or with whom we are in love is nice, pleasant and quite normal. However, if these signs of affection are in public and they are rather intense and last a long time, that can make others uncomfortable.
The discomfort comes from the fact that we have access to this couple's intimacy; an intimacy that we didn't want to have access to. Not because it's not good to experience it, but because it's precious and personal.

How do people generally react to a situation that creates discomfort?

Sometimes we have a nervous laugh and don't know what to say.
Sometimes the discomfort is such that some people will prefer to distance themselves so as not to experience this discomfort.
Others will express their discomfort by joking or voicing their disagreement about the situation.

What should Sofianne and her boyfriend do?

Hugging and kissing gently in front of other people is not necessarily disturbing for the entourage. However, too much intimacy in public can create real discomfort because people have access to an intimacy that they should not have access to. For this reason, Sofianne and her boyfriend should respect the modesty of others and experience these moments in their intimacy.

Étienne, 13, tells his friends that a 16-year-old girl, whom he met on the Internet, asked him to send a nude picture of himself.

Stimulus Questions

What do you think of this situation?

In your opinion, how can Stephen feel about this request?

Étienne could be very excited that an older girl would make such a request, which could push him to do so, believing, for example, that she will send him a picture of her in return. By acting impulsively, Étienne does not take the time to think about the consequences of such a gesture.
Conversely, Étienne could feel embarrassed or surprised at such a request and refuse.

Why would a 16-year-old girl be interested in a 13-year-old boy?

It's possible that an older person is interested in a younger person for different reasons. Nevertheless, it's rather rare for a 16-year-old girl to be interested in a 13-year-old boy. To ask him for nude pictures is rather strange. Moreover, as for the law, this age difference would not be allowed to consent to have sex, for example.
That said, is Étienne really certain of the identity of the person he met on the Internet? A person met on the Internet may not always have good intentions. There are fraudsters on the web who will approach people on social networks with fake profiles, in order to obtain intimate photos or videos from them.

What can be the consequences of such a gesture for both?

According to the Éducaloi website, anyone is prohibited from producing, distributing and possessing child pornography. In fact, child pornography is a person under the age of 18 who reveals parts of a minor's body for sexual purposes or explicit sexual activity. It can be found in different media, be it photo, video, written or audio.
For example, if you are under 18 and you take a picture of yourself naked, it becomes a production of child pornography. If you send this photo to someone, you are distributing child pornography. If this person keeps this photo, they could be charged with possession of child pornography. In addition, if that person subsequently decides to share the photo with their friends without your consent, they may be charged with non-consensual sharing of intimate images, in addition to child pornography charges.

From: Éducaloi. (s.d.). Child pornography. Flagged at https://www.educaloi.qc.ca/capsules/la-pornographie-juvenile

What should Étienne do?

Knowing that a simple photo sharing can cause him many problems, it would be wiser for Étienne to refrain from sending this photo.
Know that there are resources, such as the NeedHelpNow site, which offers tools to help you remove sexually explicit photos and videos from the Internet.

Marie-Laure and Alex have been dating for 6 months; they are very much in love. This Friday, they are alone at Alex's parents' home. Alex had already prepared supper and they had planned to watch one of their favorite series.

Snuggled together on the couch, talking about things, naturally, they kiss and embrace. They are well together. Alex then proposes to "go further" and mentions that he has condoms. Marie-Laure feels like she is up to it, even imagined that her first sexual relationship would happen with him, but she hesitates. She struggles to tell him.

Stimulus Questions

What do you think of this situation?

What can be Laure's hesitations?

What do you think girls and boys fear about first sexual relations (the first time or the first time with a new person)?

The first sexual relations are a source of concern, worry, and insecurity for many young people. It is possible for both girls and boys to:

Not feel ready
Fear being clumsy or being judged
Worry about not meeting the other's expectations or what is seen in pornography
Be embarrassed to share their intimacy (being naked, having intimate acts, etc.)

There may be some fears, especially among girls:

Being afraid that it hurts during vaginal penetration or being afraid to bleed.
Some others, especially among boys:

Fear of causing pain during penetration
Worry about not doing well and not being good enough
Worry about ejaculating too quickly
Fear of having difficulty maintaining an erection
Fear not giving pleasure to his/her partner

From: Maria Del Carmen Rumoroso. (2011). Love and sexuality: first times. The SexEducator, Issue 15, Winter 2011.

All these fears are legitimate. Without rushing, going step by step and talking to the other person will reduce these fears. No need to add too much pressure unnecessarily. Having a sense of humor can help to take a step back in these cases.

How can Marie-Laure express her fears?

Communication is the best way to share ideas, feelings, and emotions and, in turn, make you feel listened to.
To express her fears, Marie-Laure would benefit from using "I". For example, she could say, "I don't know if I feel ready" or "I would like to take my time with you ", instead of : "You're going too fast: don't pressure me ".

Extract from: Sophie Gascon. (2011). Communication in adolescent couples, The SexEducator, Issue 16, Winter 2011.

What makes one feel ready to share a greater intimacy with one's boyfriend or girlfriend?

Generally, one feels ready to share one's intimacy with someone when one feels comfortable with the other person, confident and respected. It also means that you want to have sex in your body, your heart, and your head. It's important to do things at your own pace, without rushing, to fully experience the moment.
The first few times will be nice if one doesn't feel any pressure on either side “to go the distance" (e.g.: boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, the influence of alcohol).
If one is willing to discuss sexual protection (e.g.: condom, contraception).

Finally, know that, for the first few times, it is possible and quite normal to experience all kinds of emotions that sometimes make you feel less pleasure than you had imagined at first (e.g.: stress, shyness). What is important is to take advantage of these moments of tenderness and affection, remembering that sexuality is something to be discovered and learned in time... and not one just on one occasion.

For ages 15 and over.

Tonight, at the Maison des jeunes, the animator started a conversation about the use of cyberpornography. At first, everyone laughed, saying anything (it always takes a while before we get to talk seriously about these things).

Then, he asked to answer a small anonymous questionnaire where we could indicate if we had seen it or not. If so, at what age was the first time? Was it voluntary or involuntary? What impression did it make on us? What did we think of porn? Subsequently, we talked in the main group and asked if, in our opinion, pornography could have an impact on our perception of sex, men, women? Wissam replied that he thought it was confusing sometimes: "These are images that can be exciting - we must admit. But at the same time, it's only sex: we don't see emotions; we only see action! And sometimes there are weird scenes".

Stimulus Questions

What do you think of Benoît's answer?

Why do you think society decided that you had to be 18 to watch pornography?

The law prohibits children under the age of 18 from accessing pornographic material, among other things because of the lack of maturity or the difficulty for young people to distinguish between fiction and reality. Thus, there is a risk that young people will confuse pornography with reality.

In your opinion, does porn give a realistic picture of sexuality? Explain your answer.

Pornography is material that shows explicit sexual activity, in a raw way aimed at provoking sexual arousal. It's true that it allows us to see people in action and, in this sense, it allows us to "see" certain sexual behaviors. Pornography conveys a limited and sometimes false image of sexuality. It doesn't give access to the complicity, affection, tenderness, and emotions that people feel, but rather presents a sex show that becomes something banal and mechanical.
In addition, the messages conveyed by pornography can put pressure to act the same way and try everything sexually (e.g.: unlimited sexual practices) or to be high-perfoming (e.g.: significant length of sexual intercourse, an abundance of screams, sustained erection, etc.). Also, we show very few porn actors and actresses using sexual protection.
Pornography, therefore, does not represent an example of a healthy sexual relationship, equal and consenting.

What do you remember from this exercise?

When intimacy carries us:

Intimacy can be as simple as looking someone in the eye while trying to connect with their emotions. When we share a great emotional intimacy with someone who pleases us, we feel comfortable to confide our emotions, our fears and we feel confident. Intimacy, though it may include sex, is not limited to that. Rather, it means being able to reveal oneself to each other, respecting the limits of each and the rhythm of the two people.
Moreover, it is often more pleasant and safer to explore one's sexuality with someone with whom one has developed an emotional intimacy before developing sexual intimacy. In other words, if you're not able to look at each other in the eye and feel good about yourself, it's a sign that you may not be ready to make a sexual move with that person. It's reassuring to be with someone you trust when it comes to having sex, since you are more able to communicate how you feel. At the same time, it's also much easier to discuss contraception and protection against STBBIs with this person, which removes a worry.

When intimacy derails :

As we have seen, intimacy is precious. It happens that some people reveal themselves very quickly to people they recently met (e.g.: secrets, private matters, etc.), whether in person or on the Internet, imagining that it will bring them closer to these people; in other words, they will feel more "close" and "intimate" with these people.
We may be tempted to use the Internet and social networks to seduce, go out or hang out with someone, sharing an "online" intimacy because it's accessible, easy to use and often reduces the feeling of shyness that can be had when meeting the person for "real". Whether "online" or not, sharing one's intimacy carries with it some risk, because unfortunately, one can never know what the other person could do, in the moment or in the future, with secrets, photos and/or videos that have been shared, even in the context of a romantic relationship.
Some believe that to get closer to someone, one must quickly share "sexts" or have sexual activities quickly with that person. Don't forget that one of the key elements in a healthy intimate relationship is to take it one step at a time, to ne patient, to respect your own limits and those of the other person, and to ensure the other's consent.

In short, intimacy derails (or can derail):

When we share our intimacy too quickly with recently-met people, whether in our environment or on the Internet;
When one doesn't take into account his limits and the other's limits and consent during sexual activities (e.g.: I don't feel like it, it embarrasses me, I'm not ready for that, I feel that the other is putting pressure on me, etc.). Respecting and establishing one's limits doesn't mean that one does not trust the other or that we don't like them. It means that we listen to each other to be better, more comfortable and more playful with each other;
When you don't respect the other person's private life and share secrets, photos/videos, spread rumours that can damage their reputation;
When you don't protect yourself from STBBIs or teen pregnancy (for girls and for guys). Sexual protection + contraception is essential: it's also a sign of respect (for oneself and for the other);
When you think you have to turn into a "porn star" to please the other and be desirable;
When someone is harassed or sexually assaulted - not only is it the height of derailing, it's a criminal act.